It\u2019s just me and him.<\/p>\n\n
A friend \u2014 actually, not even that.<\/p>\n\n
Someone with whom, along with others, I ended up sharing a weekend in the mountains.<\/p>\n\n
We\u2019re all going skiing and I \u2014 along with this friend whose name I don\u2019t even remember \u2014 take the cable car.<\/p>\n\n
I knew it: I\u2019m claustrophobic.<\/p>\n\n
Obviously I was going to be afraid.<\/p>\n\n
But I tried, I really tried to push through it.<\/p>\n\n
With him, poor guy: unaware that he had become a temporary ally in my battle against panic.<\/p>\n\n
The cabin is tiny.<\/p>\n\n
We\u2019re standing, wearing ski boots, skis in hand.<\/p>\n\n
For some reason I have a shoulder bag \u2014 totally useless for skiing.<\/p>\n\n
No idea. Maybe I just felt like it. <\/p>\n\n
We get in.<\/p>\n\n
The doors close.<\/p>\n\n
Panic.<\/p>\n\n
I don\u2019t know if there was a lot of snow, if he was wearing gloves, if I was still speaking a language free of insults toward whoever invented cable cars.<\/p>\n\n
It\u2019s called claustrophobia: fear of closed spaces.<\/p>\n\n
Fear of being stuck.<\/p>\n\n
Terror of places with no escape route.<\/p>\n\n
When it hits you, your heart no longer knows whether it\u2019s beating or trying to run away from you.<\/p>\n\n
And you no longer know whether you\u2019re the crazy one or it\u2019s the others \u2014 the ones who don\u2019t grasp the danger of having no control.<\/p>\n\n
It gets you when nothing, or almost nothing, depends on you.<\/p>\n\n
And so you end up trusting some engineer or construction worker you\u2019ve never met.<\/p>\n\n
And what if \u2014 I think to myself \u2014 the day he designed this damn cable car he was in a bad mood?<\/p>\n\n
What if he tightened a bolt the wrong way?<\/p>\n\n
What if he was a serial killer now watching us from a cliff, hoping to see us fall?<\/p>\n\n
I\u2019m scared.<\/p>\n\n
I turn pale \u2014 green, even.<\/p>\n\n
I tremble. He notices. <\/p>\n\n
\u2014 Relax.<\/p>\n\n
\u2014 If you tell me to relax, I panic even more.<\/p>\n\n
\u2014 Nothing\u2019s going to happen.<\/p>\n\n
\u2014 Easy for you to say.<\/p>\n\n
\u2014 Who do you need to say it?<\/p>\n\n
\u2014 No one. I want to get off. You need to help me. <\/p>\n\n
\u2014 Me?<\/p>\n\n
\u2014 Yes.<\/p>\n\n
\u2014 Why?<\/p>\n\n
\u2014 Because you\u2019re here.<\/p>\n\n
\u2014 And if I weren\u2019t?<\/p>\n\n
\u2014 I wouldn\u2019t be either. We agreed to this together. So help me. <\/p>\n\n
\u2014 Are you always this scared?<\/p>\n\n
\u2014 Only in closed spaces.<\/p>\n\n
\u2014 There are a lot of those.<\/p>\n\n
\u2014 Yes, too many.<\/p>\n\n
\u2014 And how do people usually calm you down?<\/p>\n\n
\u2014 They don\u2019t tell me to relax, for starters.<\/p>\n\n
\u2014 Meaning?<\/p>\n\n
\u2014 They explain why I don\u2019t need to be scared.<\/p>\n\n
\u2014 But I didn\u2019t build this cable car.<\/p>\n\n
\u2014 Well, get creative. Or learn how it works. <\/p>\n\n
\u2014 I think it\u2019s safe\u2026<\/p>\n\n
\u2014 You think\u2026<\/p>\n\n
\u2014 And what do you think?<\/p>\n\n
\u2014 That some unknown guy \u2014 a serial killer furious with his wife \u2014 designed this cable car.<\/p>\n\n
\u2014 We\u2019re almost there\u2026<\/p>\n\n
\u2014 How do you know?<\/p>\n\n
\u2014 From the time that\u2019s passed.<\/p>\n\n
\u2014 That\u2019s just a theory.<\/p>\n\n
\u2014 You want to know everything.<\/p>\n\n
\u2014 Exactly.<\/p>\n\n
\u2014 But you can\u2019t.<\/p>\n\n
\u2014 Says who? I\u2019m stuck here with you. You, who knows nothing about bolts. <\/p>\n\n
\u2014 I\u2019m a botanist.<\/p>\n\n
\u2014 Great.<\/p>\n\n
\u2014 You\u2019re not very nice, you know?<\/p>\n\n
\u2014 I don\u2019t need to be. Not in a cable car. I\u2019m stuck\u2026 <\/p>\n\n
\u2014 You\u2019re stuck in your fears.<\/p>\n\n
\u2014 Excuse me?<\/p>\n\n
\u2014 I don\u2019t know. I\u2019m just saying.<\/p>\n\n
We arrive.<\/p>\n\n
We get out.<\/p>\n\n
The serial killer miscalculated: nothing fell.<\/p>\n\n
The botanist \u2014 useless in calming my fears \u2014 did say one thing though: you\u2019re stuck in your fears.<\/p>\n\n
You\u2019re stuck in your fears.<\/p>\n\n
How many people are, I wonder.<\/p>\n\n
And how many, maybe all, would just like to get off.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
It\u2019s just me and him. A friend \u2014 actually, not even that. Someone with whom, along with others, I ended up sharing a weekend in the mountains. We\u2019re all going skiing and I \u2014 along with this friend whose name I don\u2019t even remember \u2014 take the cable car. I knew it: I\u2019m claustrophobic. Obviously […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1021,"featured_media":900421,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[84],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-900420","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-omnibus"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n